12/18/2024
It's Winter
And you all know what that means! Sunset at 5 PM. My favorite. I actually went out for a run tonight at 6 because I forgot how dark it gets out here, at least where I live. I had to run with my phone flash light just to see basically anything. I also tried to avoid areas with little lighting. Not because I'm scared, because I'm not! (I am). Something I thought about while I ran was that someone would see me and think I'm a crazy person. My dad told me a few days ago thhat there was a "crazy person" walking around town, and to keep my car doors locked. I really do wonder whether that was an actual crazy person, or just someone who looked odd walking outside. When I was running I wasn't really worried about the "crazy guy" but more that someone might think I was crazy myself. people are very paranoid it seems nowadays. You never know when you could just being going for an evening walk and then some psycho with a gun decides you're a threat. Such is life in the great U.S. of A. I suppose.
Well other than it being very dark outside, a positive of winter is snow. Or at least when it decides to snow. We're halfway through the month of December and there hasn't even been a hint of snow. It will probably snow eventually but it just makes me think about global warming, and whether it will even snow here again. It probably will and I'm just panicking over nothing, but still I don't think it's too crazy that I will see visual consequnces of the way humans have treated the environment lately. I'm dreaming of a white christmas, hopefully I do get it.
Along with other things I feel like Winter really brings a feeling of isolation from everyone else which is really only delayed by Christmas or other holidays. After New Years Winter is just miserable. In my situation school is over, which means I haven't been seeing my friends as much as I used to. Typically I would go see my friends every Tuesday and Thursday after my classes, but now there aren't any classes. And everyone is so busy around the holidays it can be hard to plan stuff. The good news is I should be seeing my friend tomorrow which will be nice! Adn my larger irl friend group will be coming back from their university for a couple hangouts. Last year that was the highlight of my Winter Break. We went to go see Godzilla Minus One, which is ane xcellent movie btw I would highly reccomend seeing it. After the movie we went over to the house of my friend's Grandma, who is seemingly never living in that house, at least the few times I've been there. It's essentially a big open house that we go to so people (not me) can smoke weed. There is also a Wii in the basement with Mario Kart on it, and it is a great past time of mine to continually dunk on people in that game. So yeah, it's a pretty fun time hanging out with them.
Although they are probably the closest IRL friend group I've had I still can feel disconnected from them. I essentially made my way into their friend group because they were friends with my best friend Robi. I was basically adopted into the group. Now this is great and I love having friends but obviously everyone else has a deeper connection with each other ecause they have so much history together. This is ind of a recurring problem I have when I am with any group of people. Just today I was thinking of the first time I went to a rave. I had a good time there, but in my own way. Instead of enjoying the music like most people I kond of just sat on the edge of this creek in San Francisco, just smelling the dead fish, which was a nominally better smell than the weed smell. It was somewhat awkward because I kinda made everyone go home earlier than I think they wanted to because I had to get back to my hotel where my mother was waiting for me. I guess Overall I was somewhat uncomfortable in the atmosphere, and I just had a general feeling that I didn't belong. which like thinking about it now like, yeah no shit sherlock. Not everyhting is gonna be perfect for me! And that's fine! But there's no denying that feeling of isolation.
I feel like I've spent the last two years trying to find my spot in the world. That's been my main focus. It can be hard because I live in an area with generally shitty people, so finding like-minded indivisuals can be very challenging. Hopefully this changes soon. I'm going to a new college in January, where hopefully I can join some clubs, make some friends, and start becoming and even better version of myself.
Wow this shit got way off topic.. umm back to winter. Or I guess winter aesthetics becasue that's what this page layout is really about. I really love the Yume Nikki background and especially the snow world music. Yume Nikki is also an incredible game which I would reccomend playing (ITS FREE). The Snow World area in that game just has such a nice feel to it. It's a looping snowstorm with some igloos as a reprieve from the harsh weather. Another great game I think of during the Winter time is Donkey Kong Country. The first snow level in that game is a fucking dickhead. The ground is super slippery and you have these asshole birds that you have to land on perfectly. Then at the very end there is a barrel section where you have to time the barrel blasts perfectly 18 TIMES IN A ROW. The level is so unbelievably difficult and long. But that music.. jesus christ the music. Serously the music in that game is a fucking masterpiece. When you make it to the halfway point of the level, and snow starts covering the screen , and music picks up! that is art right there. I love DKC. Definitely my favorite SNES game.
Ok I think I've written enough for today. It's getting late and I'm ready to go to sleep, as I think I might be waking up early tomorrow. Thank you for reading and have a lovely Christmas/Kwanza/Hanukkah/Some other holiday idk about.